Postcards from Tradocia

dreams from beyond

I went back to bed after night shift last night, and I had this dream that was awesome. And by awesome, I mean totally sweet.

The first part took place in Iraq (surprisingly enough), where I was driving along behind a column of vehicles. Suddenly, this tan 4-passenger humvee goes off a huge jump, sails through the air, and lands hard, basically blowing the wheels off. As I drive by, I see a bunch of our maintenance guys, all wearing PT uniforms, piling out of the thing like a clown car and running for cover. I guess they were joyriding and felt guilty.

Then I went to my truck and sat down at my computer, where I had a live video feed of CNN or something. On the news they were talking about how a bunch of National Guard soldiers were mutiny-ing in Iraq, and they showed the humvee flying through the air. Then, Jerry Springer introduced the three masterminds of the Nat’l Guard mutiny plan; one was an old accountant that the women in the audience thought was sexy for some reason. I stepped outside my truck to see if anyone else knew what the hell was going on, and there was another 4-pass humvee (green this time) that was pretty beat up. SGT Giggles was talking to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who just dropped by, I guess.

The scene transformed into a high school gymnasium; Giggles was talking politely to the Chairman about the mutiny situation. I was pissed and walked right up to him – he was almost a midget, like 4.5 feet tall – and was like, “Excuse me, but shut the FUCK up…sir.” Then a Final Fantasy VII battle broke out and I was controlling it – the game’s usual characters vs. the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs. He used this super-attack on Tifa (a female character in the game with ridiculously large breasts – one of my favorites, of course), reducing her to 1 hit point and making her crazy.

It reverted back to real-world and Tifa was running around, hallucinating and acting crazy – she picked up a dinner plate from somewhere and started licking it, she ran around making faces and gibbering, etc. Finally she started to collapse and I held her up; I had my arms around her and was trying to talk her back into some sense. I was really concerned about her – I was talking to her gently, saying “Tifa, I need your help…come on…” and the like, while she seemed like she was going to pass out. Then I had a revelation: all the yellow liquid products on a table at the far end of the gym were what made her crazy – yellow liquid soap, yellow beverage, etc. I got super-pissed and threw everything off the table, then led Tifa back to the battle area and leaned her against the wall.

The Chairman was having a huddle with his minions, getting ready to attack again, and I was worried – without Tifa, it was just me and Red XIII, the talking magical lion-guy (an actual character in FFVII). Just then, I saw all of B Company fall into formation in the hallway, lead by The Ex. They all came running over and I was relieved – I asked The Ex what her experience level was, and she replied that Tifa was level 49. Duh, I thought – The Ex doesn’t have a level since she’s real. I woke up after that.


  1. SGT P

    In case you are confused by the Pontiff reference, thats me. And allow me to explain a little without revealing my true identity. In my Kevlar helmet I have a picture of the Pope on the back. Its kind of like the old Vietnam area with the Ace of Spades or whatever, except I go with the old guy as my death card.

  2. Angie

    Your description sounds a lot like college, except with body armor and explosions!

  3. Jason

    Wasn’t sitting for long periods of time a requirement for your last job.

  4. Jason

    they blacklisted my other email address. i couldn’t even say that.

  5. Lola Barnes

    we sent you a gang of storebought food–thinking it would fare better than home made slice and bake cookies–sounds as tho you eat well would you rather have other things?luv, G&G Cindy got a description of what would go well–packaged food.

  6. alektra

    So, ummm.. have you thought of getting e-books? Or audio books? I’ll send you what I have, but I doubt you’d like it…

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