It looks messy, but let me tell you, I’m completely immune to mortar attack now.
Allow me to explain. While it may look like the interior of a regular trailer, the front is protected by a mysterious item of high technology called a Hesco barrel. Cleverly disgused as a wire-encased bag of dirt, it actually generates a mortar-deflecting energy field that extends across the trailer, parallel to the ground. Unfortunately, due to budget constraints (HEAR THAT, RUMSFELD?!), they could only make the field approximately knee-high when standing in the trailer.
As you can see, I was flirting with death with my previous arrangement – every night I slept high above this energy barrier, with only the aluminum roof and the three unprotected walls to shield me!
Thankfully, thinking only of my safety, my platoon sergeant ordered me to take down my suicide bed. He even offered to help me take it down – with a sledgehammer – if I couldn’t find any appropriate tools (or suitable motivation) to do so myself!
So, mom, don’t worry – I’m invulnerable now. Thanks, HESCO!