It’s time for Phase 1 of the Army Uniform Violation Travel Fun Game (AUVTFG)!
Army Regulation 670-1 (monstrous PDF file – don’t click unless you’re a masochist) specifies the wear and appearance of the Army uniform. Too bad nobody reads it!
I started this up when I was going on leave, sitting around in Kuwait with nothing better to do than watch soldiers walk by. Note that while most of these items are actual violations, some things are also just my personal opinion about what looks ridiculous.
Scoring is performed by adding up total points scored in one day. Ranks are as follows:
0-20 points: F Rank Uniform Loser!
20-40 points: D Rank Uniform Wearer
40-60 points: C Rank Uniform Looker
60-80 points: B Rank Uniform Seeker
80-100 points: A Rank Uniform Quester
100+ points: S Rank Uniform Hunter!
AUVTFG Points Chart 1: Headgear
Beret looks like a chef’s hat: +15
Beret looks like it just came out of the package: +10
Beret mostly covers the right ear: +5
Beret completely covers the right ear: +15
(Note: if soldier in question belongs to a National Guard unit, subtract 5 from any beret points accrued due to ate-up berets being the norm, rather than the exception.)
Patrol cap has the stupid “ranger roll”: +5
Patrol cap rolled so deep you could use it as a soup bowl: +15
Patrol cap otherwise deformed (i.e., so pointy it looks like a garrison cap): +10
Patrol cap worn so high you can see whole forehead: +10
Patrol cap obviously too big or too small: +5
Patrol cap so big that a female wears it her bun inside the cap: +15
Boonie cap starched to look like a drill sergeant hat: +25
Boonie cap worn like a fishing hat (i.e., in a “jaunty” manner): +10
Boonie cap brim rolling:
Left or right side of brim only (Aussie style): +20
All around (slight upwards curve): +10
Left and right sides rolled (all the way up): +20
Front of brim only (ridiculous!): +30
Any headgear worn so low wearer has to tilt head back to see forward: +5
Fleece or wool cap worn while in Desert Combat Uniform: +10
…and temperature is above 60 degrees F: +15
…and temperature is above 70 degrees F: +25
…and temperature is above 80 degrees F: +50 (go to sick call)