Postcards from Tradocia

army uniform violation travel fun game

It’s time for Phase 1 of the Army Uniform Violation Travel Fun Game (AUVTFG)!

Army Regulation 670-1 (monstrous PDF file – don’t click unless you’re a masochist) specifies the wear and appearance of the Army uniform. Too bad nobody reads it!

I started this up when I was going on leave, sitting around in Kuwait with nothing better to do than watch soldiers walk by. Note that while most of these items are actual violations, some things are also just my personal opinion about what looks ridiculous.

Scoring is performed by adding up total points scored in one day. Ranks are as follows:

0-20 points: F Rank Uniform Loser!
20-40 points: D Rank Uniform Wearer
40-60 points: C Rank Uniform Looker
60-80 points: B Rank Uniform Seeker
80-100 points: A Rank Uniform Quester
100+ points: S Rank Uniform Hunter!


AUVTFG Points Chart 1: Headgear

Beret looks like a chef’s hat: +15
Beret looks like it just came out of the package: +10
Beret mostly covers the right ear: +5
Beret completely covers the right ear: +15
(Note: if soldier in question belongs to a National Guard unit, subtract 5 from any beret points accrued due to ate-up berets being the norm, rather than the exception.)

Patrol cap has the stupid “ranger roll”: +5
Patrol cap rolled so deep you could use it as a soup bowl: +15
Patrol cap otherwise deformed (i.e., so pointy it looks like a garrison cap): +10
Patrol cap worn so high you can see whole forehead: +10
Patrol cap obviously too big or too small: +5
Patrol cap so big that a female wears it her bun inside the cap: +15

Boonie cap starched to look like a drill sergeant hat: +25
Boonie cap worn like a fishing hat (i.e., in a “jaunty” manner): +10
Boonie cap brim rolling:
Left or right side of brim only (Aussie style): +20
All around (slight upwards curve): +10
Left and right sides rolled (all the way up): +20
Front of brim only (ridiculous!): +30

Any headgear worn so low wearer has to tilt head back to see forward: +5

Fleece or wool cap worn while in Desert Combat Uniform: +10
…and temperature is above 60 degrees F: +15
…and temperature is above 70 degrees F: +25
…and temperature is above 80 degrees F: +50 (go to sick call)

9 Comments

  1. SGT Thompson

    Weapons Range Points!
    Kevlar helmet pushed back so that the helmet does not hit weapon sight: +5
    Patrol cap worn backwords under the kevlar helmet: +15
    Wearing a kevlar helmet that is two sizes too small because you forgot yours when going to a weapons qualification range: +40
    Wearing sunglasses while trying to qualify: +10

    My other ideas are idiot point bonuses like:
    Soldier practicing his/her aiming techniques while actually pointing M-16A2 at fellow soldiers: +2.5 idiot bonus.

    Walking around while soldiers are firing live ammo without kevlar helmet on: +0.5 idiot bonus.

    and so on/etc.

  2. SGT Thompson

    About that last one I meant to add in “Walking around as the lane safety w/o wearing a helmet”. After all, what the hell is a lane safety good for if he isn’t being safe.

  3. Anonymous

    Apparently somebody has never tried to do a weapons qual in the harsh conditions of the Iraqi desert sunglasses at the range are not only extremely prudent but a mandatory part of the uniform.

  4. SGT P

    I actually had to have a discussion with one of the ranger rollers while in Kuwait. He admitted that it probably wasn’t kosher and the only reason he did it was it was a “scouts” thing, and to look different. I could have slapped the guy.

  5. SGT Thompson

    In reply to sneaky anonymous writer:
    Sounds a little snooty… Not everyone in the Army has been to Iraq. Sorry I was not so knowledgable about the weapons-qual uniform in Iraq. I guess I will find out how it really is when I relieve you in 2006.

  6. Mrs. Melobi

    Since I’m at work at a University with lightning speed connection to the Web and since I’m not interested in working at the moment, I took the challenge of opening the PDF. Yep, it’s large. Very large. But it’s good reading.

    “Clarifies the definition of a privately owned vehicle for the purpose of wearing the headgear”

    I imagine a soldier wearing headgear, on leave, and being picked up at the airport by a friedn driving a service vehicle, and wondering if it’s a truly privately owned vehicle and if entering said vehicle requires a change of hats.

    “Authorizes the wear of the reverse side full-color U.S. Flag cloth replica on
    utility and organizational uniforms on a permanent basis”

    I can’t even comprehend what that means.

    “Identifies officials responsible for making initial entry determinations on
    tattoos and brands”

    A lot of soldiers come branded?

    “This publication is a rapid action
    r e v i s i o n .” Good to know. I’ll have to check back soon.

    Tsk, tsk, no bookmarking of the PDF. One of my pet peeves.

    And I still want to see Alex in an official cape. Sounds sexy. It looks like there are plenty of occasions for wearing one if he’djust become an officer.

    Glad to know that EHWBDU stands for enhanced hot-weather BDU. I find it funny that there’s a list of acronyms, but the acronym BDU is not on that list.

  7. Delobius

    Explaining what “BDU” means would be like explaining to a U employee what “U of M” means – it’s assumed knowledge, duh! (Battle Dress Uniform, BTW.)

    Glad you’re enjoying the publication. But can you tell me what ECWCS stands for? (Hint: it has to do with winter.) :D

  8. Ghost Dog

    ECWCS = Extreme Cold Weather Clothing System. I think. Been out since 1997, starting to forget some acronyms…

  9. 5W

    OK look gus i understand that a lot of the berets lo like #$%^ but if the right flap covers the ear it is squared away. as well as if the fash is leaning a forward but not so much as to hide the flash. if the beret looks fat instead of having a razor edge it is not squared away. the flap shpuld also cover a little corner of the flash. also there should be a little “handle” on the left side of the beret.
    I have been o jump status for 10 years now and i be damned if i am going to let a leg tell me how i should wear my beret and what it should look like. Those of us that have actually earned our beret take so pride in these things.

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