Postcards from Tradocia

insurgent mountain dew

Something is seriously wrong with the Mountain Dew in this country.

Granted, I’m not a big fan of the Dew in any event, but even a casual drinker of the stuff could detect that the taste isn’t quite right. Actually, “not quite right” is an understatement – it tastes like crap in a can.

Until recently, I had dismissed the phenomenon as just some kind of weird regional variation in flavor. However, one day JoKur made a surprising observation: the Mountain Dew cans have no copyright or trademark symbols on them whatsoever.

Having investigated myself, I present to you Exhibit A: a comparison of Mountain Dew and Pepsi cans.

Note, on #2, the “R” mark next to the Pepsi logo, and also on #4 after the Pepsi logo, as well as the Pepsi Arabia website. Notice that the Mountain Dew can is conspicuously lacking any such markings. I’m not a Pepsi expert (in fact, I hate it), but I’m pretty sure that “Mountain Dew” is a registered trademark and would be protected as such.

Unless…the terrorists are manufacturing bootleg Mountain Dew and selling it to KBR! I can see it now: Zarqawi sitting in a dimly lit basement, overseeing his dirty minions; one team is painstakingly assembling IEDs from coffee makers and goat parts, while another team operates the home-made canning machine, pouring beakers of carbonated yellow liquid into each one. “Damn it, get those cans ready! The infidel is thirsty and soon he’ll be tasting the carbonated corn-syrup beverage of vengeance!!

7 Comments

  1. Bryce and Lola

    Maybe you should drink coffee or Canada Dry gingerale.

  2. SGT P

    That was hilarious. I couldn’t help but picture Zarqawi in the Emperor style, you know, the impression you do of the Emperor Palpatine! LOL!

    -Luke Skywalker- Your arrogance is your weakness!

    -Emperor- Your faith in your friends is yours!

  3. Jake

    i think the soft drinks in that region (ME) are more syrupy than their American counterparts b/c refrigeration is less prevalent. Therefore the drinks are more often mixed with ice cubes which have the unintended side-effect of watering the flavor down a little. So the manufacturers compensate by making the drink with more syrup.

  4. kelly

    i checked at local grocer- the missing register mark is the mark of foul play- no way would they be without it! The logo itself looks like a fraud- yes M.D. changed its logo however i think you are on to something. Abort the mission of M.D. consumption!

  5. Delobius

    Well Jake, that might be true except that no other beverage has a different taste. Coke, Pepsi, Fanta, 7UP, and Sprite all taste the same. (I drink enough Coke to know the difference.)

  6. SGT P

    I also think that Achum’s Razor applies here. Although a contraband counterfeit Mountain Dew is not necessarily simple. [You mean “Occam’s” Razor, right Pontiff? Ha…! -Ed.]

  7. nc

    Excellent comments: Reminds me of Douglass Adam’s beverage. Something not quite unlike tea. FYI – Reviews for the Hitchhickers Guide Movie have been generally favorable. Look forward to seeing you back at the Gopher hole when this is over.

    Regards,

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