Postcards from Tradocia

those wacky filipinos

KBR (yes, Evil Mastermind Dick Cheney’s Halliburton subsidiary) employs a large number of Phillipine nationals in various capacities. Around the trailer park here, the most visible ones are the women who clean the latrine and shower trailers. They do a great job – one day I even saw one of them wiping down the fire extinguisher! Thank the lord, because I’d hate to get bacteria on my hands when battling the towering toilet inferno.

Of course, it seems like they spend the better part of the day in there, so it better be clean – basically any time between 0700 and 1600 you’re liable to have a nice little Filipino lady watching you pee as she scrubs some other part of the latrine. They put a sign outside that says “closed for cleaning” but nobody pays it any heed, because if you did you’d never be able to go in there except at about three in the morning.

The most harrowing experience, though, is going to take a crap while the Super Extended Edition™ cleaning is going on. Not only do you have to walk in basically wearing a sign on your head that says “hi, I’m going to poop in the toilet you just spent all morning cleaning,” but you have to listen to the music as well.

Oh, the music.

Inevitably it’s some weepy love ballad, sometimes Celine Dion or Michael Bolton but often a strange knockoff thereof; sometimes the songs are in English and sometimes not (Filipino, I presume?), but honestly it doesn’t matter because I can fill in the blanks myself. And it’s loud – I never thought a little boombox could kick out Celine Dion loud enough to hurt your ears, but I guess I was wrong. Granted, the one in the latrine I frequent does have “tribal” graphics on it so I guess it must be “extreme” (with a capital X).

“But Delobius,” you might say, “maybe the cleaning crew just likes love songs!” Ah, but the crew (which includes men) that works at the laundry facility has the same type of music blasting – and they sing and dance along, often all in unison. Also, Darth Pontificus reports that even the presumably rough-and-ready Filipino guys that he drives around with on his pariah mayor’s cell detail tune the radio to the exact same music.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, really…I’m not complaining about the people themselves, who are always friendly and execute their jobs with great capability. I just wish they’d turn down the damn music.

6 Comments

  1. Spike

    Nobody’s gonna knock you for complaining about about bloody Celine Dion.

  2. Marcus

    Just tell them to turn it down. Filipinos understand English. You can also look at them directly and hold your finger to your mouth and say, “sssshhhh”, and also cup your ears. They’ll smile and turn down the volume. It’ll go back up after you leave.

    BTW, the loud music Filipinos listen to is good for “torturing” terrorists. Hehe!

  3. kelly

    Maybe this is a bathroom blessing in disguise- think of it as a sound barrier between you and your “calling” to be in there!
    k

  4. Lola Barnes

    re cleaning bathrooms:when the kids lived at home, i’d turn on the record player,obsolete instrument to you, i know, and play vivaldi while i scrubbed the bathroom, luv g and g

  5. pv2 (formerly know as Quist)

    its also fun when you step out of the shower naked only to find two of these cleaning women have snuck in and are now openly staring at you.

  6. Twizzy

    The reason why it is probably so loud is so they don’t hear your butt trumpet blaring.

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