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Postcards from Tradocia

dreams of the war

I sometimes have dreams about finding out that I’m going to be deployed to Iraq again. You might think that such dreams would be reason for me to wake up in a cold sweat, or otherwise gripped with terror, but not so. Invariably, my feelings are an equal mix of anxiety and excitement – fear of the unknown, and of separation, on one hand; and the thrill of adventure on the other, a sensation that can’t be described because it seems perverse to the uninitiated and obvious to the salty veteran.

These dreams have been more frequent lately. Maybe it’s because my friend SGT Dock, with 1/34 ID, is about to leave for the “sandbox” very soon. We’ve been friends since middle school (christ, has it been so long?), and somehow I feel like I should be going with him. Mrs. Melobi (and my mom) would disagree – I’ve done my time, after all – but…as Hoot said in the movie version of Black Hawk Down, “When I get home people ‘ll ask me, “Hey Hoot, why do ya do it man? Why? Just some war junkie?” Ya know what I’ll say? I won’t say a goddamn word. Why? They won’t understand. They won’t understand why we do it. They won’t understand that it’s about the men next to you, and that’s it. That’s all it is.”

It’s true. As I’ve said before, I don’t consider myself a full-fledged member of the “warrior brotherhood” – I’m a REMF, through and through – but I’m close enough to understand the soldierly bond. I have other responsibilities now – to friends, family, career, and the Guard here – so here I stay. But still, the desert – and the march of the Red Bulls – calls out to me…

3 Comments

  1. i agree with your mom and mrs, delobius, g

  2. I feel the same way as you do my friend.

  3. Its weird but it stays with you a long time. I dont know if you ever escape the longing for it.

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