Postcards from Tradocia

live from the front

SGT Dock sends this missive from Iraq, showing that while life in a war zone is sometimes dangerous and exciting, it’s mostly boring and frustrating.

The following is hilarious if you’re a military guy; probably less so if you’re not. It’s hilarious because everyone who’s been on a radio net has had an experience like this…

********

Life is so damn boring here. I can’t believe I’ve been extended to sit at the radio for nothing. I could be saving lives. I could be doing something of merit. But instead, I listen to the dumbest that New Jersey has to offer.

One guy really like to say that he “advises” me, every time he calls. I told him: “Just send me the message. You don’t have to advise me of what your message is, just send the damn thing.

(thoughtful pause)

You don’t have to make the shh noise, it does it on its own.”

Now everyone says the advised thing just to fuck with me. Goddamn assholes.

I also hate the command center. They love to constantly re-identify who they are and who they are talking to after 5 transmissions.

“North ECP this is Snake Main”

“Main. This is North, send it.”

“Roger North ECP, Snake Main. What is the status of your testfire pit.”

“Hot, over”

“Roger North ECP, Snake Main. I copy that your test fire pit is hot. Time:Now.”

(pause for disgust) “>sigh<, Roger." "Snake Main, out." Look asshole. After the first time we started this exchange I knew who you were. And you don't have to tell me that it is 'Time:Now.' I know what fucking time I made the fuckin' thing hot. It was 10 minutes from ten minutes ago; now shut up and just say roger out. There is no photocopying going on. Then the Battle Captain calls on the phone and says that I cannot truncate 'North ECP' to 'North' or 'Snake Main' to simply 'Main'. I must use proper radio procedures. Well, jackass...there is no spot in the RTO manual that says you have to constantly re-identify who you are talking to every time you key the mike. And fuck that "time:now" crap.

4 Comments

  1. bryce

    I’m really impressed with Sgt. Dock. He’s gt to be one of the outstanding medics.

  2. SGT Dock

    Nope.
    You can ask Delobi… I just work here.

    See my blog for important life-saving techniques…

    Like the “Mouth to Al Gore” manuever or answering phones!!!

    Seriously though… Thank you.

  3. Prometheus

    F* That. That’s the point were you break-out the FM 24-33 hard copy and re-educated the upside of their head. You’re right, you just have to prove it sometimes.

  4. The Pontiff

    God, to Signal guys like Delobi and I that is straight hilarity. It brought me to tears actually, although the drinks I had earlier probably helped. Funny thing is, there are actually plenty of signal soldiers who do that same kind of shit. I always loved the “time: now” thing. Its like, no fucking shit time now. Last I checked, humanity hadn’t mastered time travel, so I assume you are sending this communication without significant time delay. And before anyone gets smart about that, yes I realize that there are times when reporting a time within the transmission is necessary, but not when it is implied that you are refering to something thats happening right now. Imagine if you were on patrol and were suddenly under attack. Do you get on the SINCGAR and report “Red Bull 6 this is Redbull 43, we’re under attack, time now! Over”?

    Thanks for a good laugh sarge.

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