Buster eats a turkey candy bar

Buster eats a turkey candy bar

Life in Mordor as a man of the South is always interesting. I’ve found that my attitude has been seriously adjusted following the demon world of ALC – the things that used to bother me greatly about my job are now much less of a problem. Indeed, by and large, I’m as pleased with my work as I ever have been – I just hope the attitude adjustment is permanent, though I doubt it will be.

Apropos nothing, Buster is pictured here eating what amounts to a cold turkey candy bar – a pre-cooked turkey breast that he just munched on one day. I suppose it’s an improvement from his “Atkin’s” diet last year, which largely consisted of pork rinds and Reddi-Whip straight from the can. Also, if you look closely, you’ll see that Buster is a member of the United States Air Force, which – despite what was undoubtedly a multi-million dollar development process (or because of it?) – still managed to come up with a new uniform that is worse than the Army’s ACU.

The one item that has disturbed me of late has been the iPad situation. The Dark Lord has ordered some hundreds more of the things, and I’ll be damned if I can figure out what the point is. The units we have are still the Wi-Fi-only models, which makes them all but useless to somebody on the road outstate. The incoming chief of staff picked his iPad up today and asked, “what do I do if I leave the house and I need directions? I’m fucked, right?” I said, hey, no problem, just swing into the Starbucks parking lot and hook up to their wireless real quick! He laughed but his tough-guy stare told me that he was thinking, “fuck you you computer weenie. Why’d you give me this useless thing anyway?”

The other problem with the Wi-Fi iPad is the implied task that it creates: install (actually, re-install) Wi-Fi in every armory. If Lieutenant Colonel Slapnuts gets an iPad, you better believe he’s going to want to use it at any armory he visits (which is reasonable). But that means Wi-Fi at every armory, which previously was a toxic issue and was nixed after a relatively short trial period. Now, however, it’s basically a given – and with the SSID and WPA key in the wild on all these iPads, it’s only matter of time (about 10 seconds) before every staff officer in every headquarters has it, and brings his or her personal laptop in and starts streaming NPR and watching YouTube and posting on Facebook about the sweet OPORD he just wrote. How do you stop that? MAC filtering? We have ways of doing that (maybe), but the pushback from the field-grades will be severe.

But what do I know? I’m just a man of the South, trying to make sense in the Dark Lord’s realm – while I serve him, I was not born of him, and this will inevitably place me at odds with some of his stranger schemes…

The one item that has disturbed me of late has been the iPad situation. The Dark Lord has ordered some hundreds more of the things, and I’ll be damned if I can figure out what the point is.